I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
