my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
