I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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