why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
