just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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