don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
