you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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