wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
