My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
