3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
