at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
