K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize