Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
