I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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