It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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