Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
