if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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