I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
