Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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