can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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