It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
