I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
