I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
