She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
