I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
