Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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