my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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