if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
