Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
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