so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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