U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize