Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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