it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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