legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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