Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
