I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
