Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
