You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
