uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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