I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
