you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize