Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
