what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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