No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
