Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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