now i know why i became what i already was.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i think im in europe. pls send help
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
