So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
