I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
