got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
