so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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