when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
