Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
