I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
