I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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