dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Your penis caused this!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
