This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
How naked do you want me to be?
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