yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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