Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
