This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
