let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
