I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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