So drunk, too bad you don't want this
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
