I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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