I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
try to milk me bitch
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
