You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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