i need an iv and a liver transplant
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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