i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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