Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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