Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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