Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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